In every relationship conflicts are bound to come up. It’s nearly impossible to 100% agree on everything. While conflicts are normal, it also means that there are aspects of your relationship that just aren’t working, but have no fear — that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over, it just means that you both have the opportunity to learn something new about each other, and even yourselves.
All couples have conflicts, but happy couples know how to deal with the conflict before it turns to resentment and damages the relationship.
In our free ShowMe Healthy Relationship class designed for couples, we work with you and your partner to know and understand each other better, and have the skills necessary to successfully deal with conflict in your relationship.
- You don't have to solve all of your problems.
I bet you weren’t expecting that to be tip #1. You don’t need to solve all of your problems to have a satisfying relationship — in fact it’s actually impossible! Instead of spending energy on “fixing” all of your problems, it’s more helpful to actually spend your time and energy on understanding the perpetual problems in your relationship. “Dr. Gottman found that when couples understand the reasons behind each other’s perpetual problems, they’re able to respond less harshly and more positively,” explained Tori Cawman, MSW, relationship education outreach specialist.
- Complain without blame.
In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to complain about a situation without making it a personal attack on your partner. As we all know, this isn’t a successful way to make your concerns heard, but it is a way to drive a communication wedge between you and your partner! A great way to complain more effectively is to use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.
"I feel anxious when the house is messy. I would like some help."
vs.
"You never help with the housework! You're so ungrateful!" - Learn how to soothe yourself and each other.
Sometimes during a conflict, things can get so heated that we’re unable to take in any of the information or communicate effectively. At some point, it becomes more effective to remove yourself from the situation and shift to self care. One way you can soothe yourself during high emotional moments is by following a safety plan. A safety plan is a list of activities or actions that you can choose when you begin to feel overwhelmed. Learn how to make your own personalized safety plan.
Like what you’ve read and want to learn more? Well, you’re in luck. In our 6-week ShowMe Healthy Relationship courses for couples and singles, we cover even more ways to build and maintain a healthy relationship. You can learn more about our free and voluntary program and sign up for our next upcoming class here.